Guys often see relapse as an event where a bottom-line behavior in engaged in. In this scenario recovery is measured by the absence of relapse events.

It's more helpful to see relapse as a state that we can easily enter in and out of based on our thoughts and actions. It's full of hiding, unsound activities, and unhealthy living.

https://recoveredman.com/301

We celebrate episode 300 of Porn Free Radio with the return of Dr. Benjamin Hardy, author of Be Your Future Self Now.

In this episode you'll learn about your "Future Self" and how you can leverage this powerful concept in your recovery today. 

https://recoveredman.com/300

In this SUPER-SIZED episode, I'm hitting the Porn Free Radio mailbag and answering questions like... How do I watch TV during recovery? What can you do to guard yourself against temptation? Do you recommend any good books on forming good habits? What wisdom can you share with struggling teens? All this and more.

https://recoveredman.com/299

Getting long-term sobriety is similar to getting your car to go 300,000 miles. It's going to take really good maintenance habits. 

On this episode, Matt shares 10 Keys to Long-Term Sobriety with REV Coach, Vern Tompke.  

https://recoveredman.com/298

Jason Portnoy, author of the memoir, Silicon Valley Porn Star, shares his road to healing from porn and sex addiction in the midst of silicon valley success.

https://recoveredman.com/297

In recovery, we often measure success with days, streaks, and sobriety dates. But should we? What's the value?

On today's episode, Matt Dobschuetz is joined by REV Coaches, Chris White and Vern Tompke.

https://recoveredman.com/296

In this classic episode of Porn Free Radio, I share my 10 porn rules for my recovery.

Now your rules may look different, but if you see one that could help you, try it out! It could be the difference between you going 10 days porn free and 10 years porn free.

Originally published October 1, 2020.

https://recoveredman.com/295

The Porn Free Radio Podcast Network presents the 2022 NFL Preview Show with Vern Tompke, Aaron W., and your host Matt Dobschuetz.

Join three coaches for our second annual episode about our shared passion, NFL football.

https://recoveredman.com/294

Porn Free Radio is full of Matt's porn and recovery stories. But for 292 episodes, one voice has been conspicuously absent; Matt's wife, Janice Dobschuetz.

In this episode, Janice tells her side of the story.

Together with Hope Ray, Janice recounts her memories of discovering Matt's porn use in marriage and the early days of recovery. She also shares her advice and hope for partners in the same situation now.

https://recoveredman.com/293

In this classic episode of Porn Free Radio, I share 5 common lies I hear from guys trying to quit porn and 5 powerful truths to overcome them.

https://recoveredman.com/292

In early 2022, the Chicago Bears hired a new head coach. Matt Eberflus, previously the defensive coordinator for the Indianapolis Colts, has a philosophy that he instills in all his teams. In this episode, we apply Coach E's HITS Principal to our recovery. Bear Down!

https://recoveredman.com/291

In this classic episode of Porn Free Radio, I share my interview with Psychotherapist Jay Stringer, author of Unwanted: How Sexual Brokenness Reveals Our Way to Healing. Originally published July 2, 2019.

https://recoveredman.com/290

Nick Stumbo, Executive Director for Pure Desire, sits in on Porn Free Radio Today. In this episode, Matt and Nick talk about being all in with recovery, basketball,  the 2022 Pure Desire summit, and our favorite decade, the 90's.

https://recoveredman.com/289

Dr. Jake Porter, Founder & President of Daring Ventures, sits in on Porn Free Radio today.

In this conversation, Dr. Jake shares about the powerful connection between attachment and recovery. You'll learn about the hopeful process of earned secure attachment, where as adults, we can learn to rebuild security and attachment in our relationships.

https://recoveredman.com/288

In this classic episode of Porn Free Radio, I share a vision for you. The hard work you're doing to be porn free today WILL lead to more satisfaction in your future if you embrace connection and fellowship. Originally published January 10, 2020.

“The most satisfactory years of your existence lie ahead.”
— Alcoholics Anonymous (The Big Book) Chapter 11. p. 152

https://recoveredman.com/287

Hope Ray returns to Porn Free Radio today and asks Matt the questions partners want to know. 

Questions like: What do you teach men about accountability?  When should guys make out reach calls? What kind of attitude should guys have about being honest and vulnerable? What's the power of men connecting in a group? Will groups always be necessary? Does recovery for men ever getting easier? And more.

https://recoveredman.com/286

Drew Boa from Husband Material, is sitting in on Porn Free Radio today. He shares how understanding your sexual fantasies can lead to greater freedom in recovery.

Drew is professional coach and podcaster who helps men outgrow pornography. He the author of Redeemed Sexuality and host of the Husband Material Podcast. Drew lives in Santa Barbara, California with his wife and two kids. 

https://recoveredman.com/285

Hope Ray, is sitting in on Porn Free Radio today and answering questions porn free men ask about their partners.

Questions like: How can I build the skill of ongoing honesty if any confession is interpreted as betrayal? What can I do if my partner is uncomfortable with me being involved or leading a recovery group? And more.

https://recovereredman.com/284

We often think Summer is a time for kicking back and taking it easy. But that kind of thinking flows towards our weaknesses.

Building on PFR 282 - Reframing Summer, how can we create some fun growth opportunities this season?

In this podcast: 10 Ideas To Electrify Your Summer designed to challenge and inspire you to action.

https://recoveredman.com/283

Summer often brings with it challenges for guys in recovery. People wearing less clothes, triggering situations like beaches or pools, and changes to our normal routine (summer hours, vacations) can trip us up. But how we view these challenges can change how we experience them.

On this episode, we talk about the essential recovery skill of reframing.

https://recoveredman.com/282

Do you consider yourself a nice guy? Do you care a lot about what people think of you? Do you often put people's needs and wants before your own? Do you ever think if you could just eliminate porn from your life then everything would be okay? So what's so

So what's so wrong about being a nice guy?

Nice guys are inherently dishonest. They show people one version of themselves, the "nice guy" in order to get approval. They hide anything else they find unacceptable. This can include needs, flaws, mistakes, wounds, emotions, and desires. This practice fundamentally undermines the process of recovery. 

On this episode, Jason George from the GRIZ podcast joins this episode of Porn Free Radio. The guys discuss integrity, "nice guy syndrome", and what's needed to live a whole, undivided life. 

https://recoveredman.com/281

Aaron, a 38 year-old married man, from South Carolina (by way of Staten Island, NY) joins us on the 1 year anniversary of being porn free.

We talk about Wu-Tang Clan, the New York Jets, and Aaron's inspiring porn free journey.

https://recoveredman.com/280

Craig Perra, coach and founder of the The Mindful Habit, joins PFR for his record-setting 6th episode.

Craig shares about his recent trip to Coachella, what's exciting him now in coaching, and he makes a big TV announcement.

https://recoveredman.com/279

The hits keep on coming. It’s another EPIC PFR crossover with the Pure Desire Podcast. Trevor Winsor and Nick Stumbo joined me back in PFR 233 for a great discussion about recovery.

On today’s show we talk about my book, Porn Free: Becoming the Type of Man Who Does Not Look At Porn. We discuss self-rejection, connection in recovery, and the power of groups.

https://recoveredman.com/278

It's another EPIC PFR crossover with the Pirate Monk Podcast. Nate Larkin and Aaron Porter joined me in PFR 214 for a great discussion about recovery.

On today's show we talk about what the guys have been up to since 2019. We discuss my new book, music, and even skateboarding. 

https://recoveredman.com/277

On today's show it's another EPIC PFR crossover podcast with Unleash the Man Within with Sathiya Sam.

Sathiya is a former pastor, coach, and author of the new book, The Last Relapse.

https://recoveredman.com/276

Twice a month, I have a REV Coach Meet-Up with Vern Tompke (ep. 266) and Chris White (ep. 270.) I learn a lot from these guys as we discuss leading our groups and life in recovery. So I asked them to come on PFR and do a live meet-up.

We start by discussing the Johann Hari's quote that that "the opposite of addiction is not sobriety, it's connection" and we go from there.

https://recoveredman.com/275

Author and Master Coach, Steve Chandler, shares some of his biggest ideas for tranformation and growth. His own recovery from addiction became a springboard for reinventing himself and his habits. Steve credits much of the creativity in his writing and coaching practice to this process. 

Grab a coffee and listen to my fun and relaxing conversation with Steve. It will inspire you!

https://recoveredman.com/274

On today's show it's another EPIC PFR crossover podcast with The Flip Side with Noah Filipiak. Noah is a pastor and author of Beyond the Battle: A Man's Guide to His Identity in Christ in an Oversexualized World.

https://recoveredman.com/273

In this episode, I share one of the biggest take-aways from my new book, Porn Free: Becoming the Type of Man Who Does Not Look At Porn (visit https://pornfreebook.com.)

"Porn is not the problem for us," I write  "It's the solution."

https://recoveredman.com/272

New Years' resolutions generally fail for one of two reasons; they are either too BIG or too BORING.

BIG resolutions often fail due to lack of commitment and a specific plan. It's easy to lose sight of the goal quickly and give up.

BORING resolutions are usually based on a trying to adopt good habit the you think you SHOULD do. But they are rarely exciting or motivated.

If you want to grow in 2022, consider something BOLD.

In this podcast I present 10 Bold Recovery Ideas designed to challenge and inspire you to action.

I'm also excited to announce the publication of my new book, Porn Free: Becoming the Type of Man That Does Not Look at Porn. Available at https://pornfreebook.com.

https://recoveredman.com/271

Coach Chris White joins Porn Free Radio today. In this episode, Chris shares his experience growing up in the shadow of Shelley Manor in the beach town of  Bournemouth, England.

He details his struggle with porn and the big shift he made when he joined a powerful recovery group.

https://recoveredman.com/270

What's your single, motivating purpose for going porn free? We're looking to tap into is your own intrinsic motivation for recovery. I call this your WHY and it's the starting point for all of my paid clients.

In this episode, I teach you the 3 steps find your WHY.

https://recoveredman.com/269

After relapse we often feel dejected and confused. We sometimes begin to question our ability to fully recover.

But what if we looked at relapse as a path to progress? What if our struggle could fuel our growth?

https://recoveredman.com/268

In PFR 242 – How To Avoid A Big Crash, I share recovery insights from a career pilot. To protect his anonymity and security clearance I referred to him as “Major X.”

The main takeaway was how successful pilots avoid crash landings. Hint: it's all about their approach.

“A stable approach usually leads to a good landing, while an unstable approach often leads to a bad landing. ” — Major X

Well Major X is back, in person this time, with more recovery wisdom from flying.

https://recoveredman.com/267

This episode is all about the tipping point in recovery.

The tipping point is the point at which a series of small steps becomes significant enough to cause a large more significant change.

Coach and podcaster, Vern Tompke, joins Porn Free Radio this episode.

https://recoveredman.com/266

If we define addiction as "an extreme version of a habit." Then recovery is the process where we transform our habits.

But what new habits do we need to create to get free?

In this episode, I will show you how to identify the areas that drive our cravings and porn use. Then how to map new habits for greater freedom. 

https://recoveredman.com/265

Organizational psychologist and bestselling author, Dr. Benjamin Hardy, joins Porn Free Radio today.

On this episode, we'll discuss the most empowering and healthy way to measure yourself from his new book with Dan Sullivan, The Gap and the Gain.

If you get this concept it will lead to more happiness and fulfillment in your life and your recovery.

https://recoveredman.com/264

The Porn Free Radio Podcast Network presents the 2021 NFL Preview Show with Vern Tompke, Kris Pavone, and your host Matt Dobschuetz.

Join three coaches for special PFR episode about our shared passion, NFL football.

If you’re not an American football fan, you might just be after you listen to this episode!

https://recoveredman.com/263

Recently, a client of mine noticed a pattern. The day after a relapse he would have more clarity about his life and recovery. He would be aware of his feelings and some immediate actions he needed to take. Often he would feel prompted to reach out to another guy in his recovery group.

All of these were positive benefits. So he asked the question, “How do I relapse without relapsing?”

https://recoveredman.com/262

This is the final episode of a four-part series on belief systems that can block our freedom. BS for short. Did you think I meant something else?

On this episode, we examine the outside-in belief that your happiness is determined by your life conditions.

https://recoveredman.com/261

This is the third of a four-part series on belief systems that can block our freedom. BS for short. Did you think I meant something else?

On this episode, we examine the belief that our value comes from what people think of us.

https://recoveredman.com/260

This is the second of a four-part series on belief systems that can block our freedom. BS for short. Did you think I meant something else?

On this episode, we examine the assumption that your past performance indicates your future results.

https://recoveredman.com/259

This is the first of a four-part series on belief systems that can block our freedom. BS for short. Did you think I meant something else?

On this episode, we examine the idea that your personality is permanent.

https://recoveredman.com/258

Therapist Hope Ray, from Hope Ray Therapy, joins Porn Free Radio for part 2 of 2 partner-focused episodes.

https://recoveredman.com/257

Shawna Meek from Living Stones Coaching joins Porn Free Radio for part 1 of 2 partner-focused episodes.

https://recoveredman.com/256

On today's episode, we tackle 3 loaded questions...

1. If there was no moral problem with your porn use, would it be okay?
   
   
2. If your partner was cool with your porn use, would it be okay?
   
   
3. If your porn use was 100% ethical, i.e. - no one was harmed or misused, would it be okay?

https://recoveredman.com/255

A mega-sized episode about relationships and recovery with Brendan Burns, coach and host of the Brendan Burns show.

https://recoveredman.com/254

On today's show, we discuss how our sense of uniqueness and the stories we tell ourselves about our struggle can block our freedom and keep us isolated.

https://recoveredman.com/253

On today's show, we consider the challenging quote,

"Craving is NOT something that happens to you; it’s something you actively do." — The Freedom Model, p. 59.

https://recoveredman.com/252

I get asked this question a lot; "Why Do I Look At Porn?"

We think if we can figure out the root cause of why we look at porn it would help us quit.

In this episode, I share the short answer of why. It's what Blaise Pascal calls "the motive of every action of every man."

http://recoveredman.com/251

We continue our discussion from episode 249 on perfectionism and our obsession with an acceptable image.

In this episode, I share listener emails and a powerful resource to deal with perfectionism.

https://recoveredman.com/250

This podcast is about the other p-word in your life: perfectionism.

If you don't identify with being a perfectionist now you may after hearing this episode.

https://recoveredman.com/249

In part 3 of our 3-part series on Personal Mastery, we talk about creating a peak state model of the world. The goal is to spend the majority of your time in life feeling centered, strong, and fulfilled.

https://recoveredman.com/248

In part 2 of our 3-part series on personal mastery, we discuss how you can change your state in challenging situations. In fact, the real Jedi mind trick comes when you begin to link your triggers to the actions that change your state.

https://recoveredman.com/247

Over the next 3 episodes, we are discussing the 3 levels of Personal Mastery. In part 1, we discuss what shapes our decisions and how we get more control in our life.

https://recoveredman.com/246

"Get an accountability partner" is the default advice given to guys early in recovery.

In this episode, I move past the common thinking about accountability and discuss a new way of thinking about this powerful recovery relationship.

Shout out to Jason George, host of the GRIZ Podcast, who contributes monthly to PFR. He suggested this important topic. Thanks GRIZ!

https://recoveredman.com/245

Have you gotten stuck? Has your motivation slipped? Have you lost some of your desire to change?

In today's episode, I share the 3% tool to shift your thinking and get you back on track.

https://recoveredman.com/244

Seventeenth-century, philosopher and mathematician, Blaise Pascal argued that "there are two opposing secret instincts in men."

The secrets confuse us and lead us to a search that can never be satisfied.

https://recoveredman.com/243

In this episode, I share recovery insights from a career pilot. You'll learn the secret of how successful pilots avoid bad landings.

https://recoveredman.com/242

In this episode, I reveal my 10 porn rules. Your rules may look different, but if you see one that could help you, try it out! It could be the difference between you going 10 days porn free and 10 years porn free.

https://recoveredman.com/241

In a follow-up to episode 239, I discuss the difference between failure and results in recovery.

For more on the Owner/Victim choice described by Steve Chandler listen to PFR 213 - Are You An Owner Or A Victim?

http://recoveredman.com/213

In this episode, I talk about what it means to be ALL IN.

"The decision had been made and all that was left to do was whatever it took. And that involved no consideration. There was no more deliberation."

— Chris Dorris, ALL IN!

https://recoveredman.com/239

In this episode, I talk about the fear of being misunderstood. The irony is we give so much energy, in life, to what people think and how we're perceived. But despite our best efforts we still are misunderstood. 

https://recoveredman.com/238

In this episode coach and podcaster, Brendan Burns, hosts a crossover episode about why now is the best time to make positive changes in your life.

This episode features Don't Trust the Cloud by Lee Rosevere. Visit http://leerosevere.bandcamp.com

https://recoveredman.com/237

Do you care a lot about what people think? Do you struggle with feeling good enough? Do you avoid conflict? When you relapse to you feel a lot of shame?

If so you may be living life in what Steve Chandler calls the "Social Self." In this episode, we define the "Social Self" and contrast it with our goal in recovery, the "Authentic Self."

http://recoveredman.com/236

PFR is sponsored by BetterHelp
https://trybetterhelp.com/recoveredman

"I’m committed to being porn free because I’m sick and tired of living off of chicken nuggets and french fries and I want more ski slopes, Hulk rides, and BBQ in my life.”

— The Epic Why Statement from a PFR Listener

Is your recovery boring? Here’s how to start reclaiming your creativity and imagination today.

https://recoveredman.com/235

Nick Stumbo and Trevor Winsor join me for an EPIC crossover episode with the Pure Desire Podcast.

https://recoveredman.com/233

In this episode, I discuss what Tony Robbins calls the two driving forces in life that motivate us. I also share a quick exercise you can use to take action on things you are avoiding.

For years I struggled with unaccountable time. The idea that there were situations where I was alone and not accountable. But it's a myth. All time is accountable. It's measured. It's limited. And we ALWAYS choose how it's spent.

https://recoveredman.com/231

The things you have learned from recovery can actually help you lead and serve others in challenging times.

I'm excited to announce a new PFR sponsor: BetterHelp. To get 10% off your first month of professional counseling go to https://trybetterhelp.com/recoveredman.

Jason George aka "The Griz" rides shotgun on this episode where I share 5 powerful anchor habits you can build into your recovery right now.

https://recoveredman.com/229

Recovery Coach Jay Pyatt joins me for the final episode of the coaches trilogy that started in PFR 226. We discuss current events, sheltering-in-place and Covid-19. Jay also shares some awesome recovery ideas from his own journey and from coaching others.

https://recoveredman.com/228

Podcaster and Coach, Kris Pavone, joins me for a conversation about current events in early 2020. Kris is a teacher, former WWE Wrestler, and the host of the Kris Pavone Show.

https://recoveredman.com/227

We're facing a tsunami of feelings and emotions these days. How do we deal with emotions in a skillful way? In this episode, I share a powerful tool you can use today.

https://recoveredman.com/225

In this episode, I talk about how to deal with uncertainty in turbulent times, 6 leadership lessons we can learn from polar explorer, Sir Ernest Shackleton, and the practical ways we can apply them to our recovery.

https://recoveredman.com/224

How do we grow and transform in our lives? We have to go through the 4 C's of Recovery. And no one recovers without going through a period of courage. "Having courage and pursuing a goal despite fear," Dan Sullivan writes. "Is what moves us forward." In this episode, you'll learn the stages of recovery and why you may be stuck.

https://recoveredman.com/223

Step One of any 12-step program says, "We admitted we were powerless..." But are we powerless? And if so how does it help us to admit this?

https://recoveredman.com/222

With each new year, we reflect on what happened in the past 12 months and wonder, "what's next?"

Well, what if I told you that life will have more meaning and satisfaction for you this year. Today's show is about painting a vision for you in 2020 and beyond. Let's go!

https://recoveredman.com/221

It's a New Year and it's expected that we talk about goals. But I am not going to do that. Because I see things a little differently...

Business and Life Coach Brendan Burns joins me for a crossover podcast. In this super-sized episode, we talk about recovery, sushi, sex, dating, relationships, and kicking ass in life.

Learn more about Brendan at https://www.brendanhburns.com.

https://recoveredman.com/219

At some point in recovery, you have to put in effort and hard work to move forward. Internally we resist this. We see effort as pain and we want to avoid this fact. But our happiness and success ultimately depends on our growth.

https://recoveredman.com/218

On today's show, I share a powerful daily habit that creates focus, gives you more clarity in your thinking, and actually makes recovery easier.

https://recoveredman.com/217

Does your personality or the way you define yourself get in the way of recovery?

https://recoveredman.com/216

What is the motivation for recovery? If it's primarily fear we have a problem. Fear-based recovery can inspire action at first but eventually exhausts us.

https://recoveredman.com/215

Nate Larkin and Aaron Porter join me for an EPIC crossover episode with the Pirate Monk Podcast. 

https://recoveredman.com/214

When it comes to situations in your life, how do you often respond?

Are you in habit of being an owner or a victim? Your ability to go porn depends on this...

https://recoveredman.com/213

Today, I am asking some questions... why do we struggle with commitment and follow-through? Why do resist creating healthy boundaries? And finally, if "the opposite of addiction is connection" why do we avoid it?

https://recoveredman.com/212

We focus on triggers a lot in recovery. Anticipating them. Avoiding them. Reducing them. But our thoughts, especially the ones that feel automatic often prompt our behaviors. This episode is about becoming aware of our thoughts and how to change them.

https://recoveredman.com/211

What story do you tell yourself after a setback?

• That you're not disciplined enough?
• That you're lacking confidence?
• Or will power?

The truth is we simply lack commitment.

https://recoveredman.com/209

"If we do not transform our pain," Richard Rohr writes. "We will most assuredly transmit it." On today's show, I talk about how we avoid pain with porn and how the work of recovery is about transforming pain.

https://recoveredman.com/207

Our culture would have us believe that all we can't fully enjoy life if we choose recovery.

But the opposite is true.

When we put the proper boundary on porn and our addictions, we get access to the rest of life.

In this virtually coaching session, we talk about how you can begin to design a kick-ass life.

https://recoveredman.com/206

The post 206 – Coaching Sessions Pt. 5: Kicking Ass In Life appeared first on Recovered Man.

Do you have an idea of some actions you should take in recovery?

Or is there a behavior that you know you need to eliminate?

What's stopping you?

In this virtual coaching session, I explain how our excuses reveal our beliefs.

https://recoveredman.com/205

The post 205 – Coaching Sessions Pt. 4: How Our Excuses Reveal Our Beliefs appeared first on Recovered Man.

I have a stack of emails today and I'm answering your questions...

What's the best way to tell my girlfriend about a relapse?
Is a realistic goal to abstain from masturbation when there is no relationship in sight?
Should I tell my accountability about the massage parlor?
Can you help me understand my horrific, porn withdrawal experience?

AND MORE...

1-on-1 Coaching
Interested in having a custom coaching experience with me? Send an email to matt@recoveredman.com with the subject "Coaching."

https://recoveredman.com/204

The post 204 – My Horrific, Porn Withdrawal Experience appeared first on Recovered Man.

Recently I was dealt a crushing blow. Because of a flight cancelation, I went from having a first class ticket to a middle seat in the back of the plane.

On this episode, we talk about dealing with disappointment and why we feel what we focus on.

https://recoveredman.com/203

The post 203 – We Feel What We Focus On appeared first on Recovered Man.

My interview with Jay Stringer, author of Unwanted: How Sexual Brokenness Reveals Our Way to Healing.

https://recoveredman.com/202

The post 202 – Unwanted with Jay Stringer appeared first on Recovered Man.

Today's episode is about being kind to yourself, having compassion, and finding self-care.

https://recoveredman.com/201

The post 201 – Being Kind To Yourself appeared first on Recovered Man.

Superfan, Jon Jones, interviews Matt in a special show to celebrate 200 episodes of Porn Free Radio.

https://recoveredman.com/200

The post 200 – Superfan Takeover appeared first on Recovered Man.

Gentlemen, we're not alone in this.

In this episode, we break down the ingenious PFR theme created by Adam the producer.

https://recoveredman.com/199

The post 199 – PFR: Behind The Music appeared first on Recovered Man.

The first step in recovery is exposure, whether it's from getting caught or getting courage. The exposure helps us press into honesty.

In this episode, we talk about the why we avoid exposure and the gifts of being known.

https://recoveredman.com/198

The post 198 – Getting Caught or Getting Courage appeared first on Recovered Man.